The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
