Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
