were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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