weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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