How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
