the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
