i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
