how can u be prego again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
