So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
