No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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