oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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