My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
