hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
