where am i from again
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
