She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
