Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
