i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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