I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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