i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
