that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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