my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
