one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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