Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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