Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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