This girl is more easily done than said...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
God gave him joint rollers for hands
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
