They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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