You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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