I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
