I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize