apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
