Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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