New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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