Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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