Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
