a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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