My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
