I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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