there's paper in my vomit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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