alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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