Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just forgot I was standing up.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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