whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
