Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
