I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
