yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
