The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize