Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
