I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
