I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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