i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
