i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
