just tell him i said nine months
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
