My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
