Ambien. No doubt about it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
