I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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