Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
