He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
