Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
