Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
