Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
