david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
