Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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