Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
