there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do herpes really smell.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
