i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
