Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
