I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
