this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
