I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize