Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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