i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
