There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
